Talane's Top Ten Ways to Start the New Year in Great Shape!
Out with the Old. In the UK, the day after Christmas is called Boxing Day. It is the day you take all your old toys, clothes and bric-a-brac, box them up and donate them to charity. What a fine tradition! And one worth bringing across the pond. This is the fastest way to make way for newer and better things to come your way.
Pay off Your Debts. Pay off all the debts that you possibly can so that you start the New Year with a clean slate. If this isn't possible. Make small monthly payments to all of your creditors (yes, even those personal loans from friends and family) to keep your credit in good shape.
Do Something Different. Getting stuck in a rut is easy to do. To prevent this from happening make it a policy to do something different. Go a different way to work. Eat at a different restaurant. Order something you've never tried before. Do one small thing different each day and you'll find it is easier to make the big changes in the New Year.
Do a Secret Good Deed. It doesn't have to be a big thing. Just do something to help out a fellow human being. You'll feel wonderful!
Get a Massage. Most people find the holidays stressful. Book in a massage now—why not even book a massage once a week for the rest of December? This might be the best present you give yourself!
Do Less. Focus on what really matters to you. You don't have to do stuff just because everyone else is doing it. Do what you enjoy and forget the rest. There is no rule or law out there that says you have to send out holiday cards or put up decorations or lights if you don't want to.
Hire Help. I'm a big fan of having a housekeeper clean the house once a week. But even if you prefer to clean the house yourself, why not hire a cleaning service to help out just this month so that is one less thing you have to worry about?
Maintain what you Have. Get a handyman for the day to fix whatever isn't working around the house and do odd jobs like put up shelves, etc.. Stop kidding yourself. If you haven't fixed it this past year, you probably won't next year-- hire someone to get it done and you'll wonder why you didn't do that in the first place!
Forgive. Don't carry a grudge or resentment into the New Year. Use the time with friends and family over the holiday season to forgive those who have injured or hurt you, whether intentional or not. You can ask them to apologize, but even if they don't, the power to forgive rests with you and you alone so take full advantage of that fact!
Make a Wish List. Write down all the things you'd like to have or have happen in the New Year. It can be pie-in-the-sky fairy godmother sort of stuff that you have no idea how to make happen. Just write everything you can think of down on a piece of paper.
Enjoy!
Talane
P.S. Join the wonderful community of people changing their lives at LifeCoach.com! Only $1.00 for 30 Days of Coaching! You have nothing to lose but a life you don't love!
©Copyright December 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
Talane Miedaner, MCC
International best selling author of:
Coach Yourself to Success (McGraw-Hill, 2000)
The Secret Laws of Attraction (McGraw-Hill, June 2008)
Coach Yourself to a New Career (McGraw-Hill, April 2010)
Get 30 days of Coaching Online for $1.00 at LifeCoach.com!
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
Thursday, 30 December 2010
The Four Myths of Forgivness
The Four Myths of Forgiveness:
Why We Don't Forgive the Ones We Love the Most
by Talane Miedaner
If you want to heal your emotional life in one magical move, forgive. If you want to unleash more energy, creativity and joy -- drop your resentments like a heavy wool coat in summer and forgive. One client, Beth, 34, enjoys a highly successful career as a sales executive for a technology company. She works from home and loves her husband and three-year-old son. And yet happiness eludes her. Years ago, she felt deeply hurt when her father divorced her mother and married another woman. As a result, Beth has distanced herself from her dad.
Like Beth, most of us feel wronged in some way by people close to us. And most of us feel frustrated when it comes to forgiveness. We want to get this unpleasantness behind us, yet hang on to our grudges and gripes like a dog to its bone. We’ve bought into the four myths of forgiveness.
Myth #1: It’s not that important.
Why make a mountain out of a molehill? We toss the hurt into our bag of burdens, which compound faster than our IRAs, becoming heavier and heavier as we drag them through life. They drain our energy, infecting us as well as those around us with bitterness or resentment. Beth is modeling for her son a very cool, distant relationship with a parent. Is that what she wants later on with her child? Forgiveness is perhaps the most powerful practice we can embrace and the single greatest gift we can give ourselves. Beth has never spoken with her father about how hurt she felt when he left her mother and now every time she sees him, her unspoken anger and resentment bubble beneath a polite facade. Beth feels resigned to this way of life. The holidays are approaching and she’s dreading them. When we tell ourselves it’s not that important, we’re saying we’re not that important.
Myth #2: Let sleeping dogs lie.
The idea of revisiting some unpleasant incident from the past can feel so overwhelming, we’d rather ignore it. We procrastinate, insisting this isn’t the right time to forgive the person. Actually, there's never a good time not to forgive. My clients typically procrastinate so I gently remind them until they get to it. And they are never sorry they did. Their only complaint? "Why did it take me so long?" For years Beth felt that talking with her dad about her feelings would only make things worse so why bother? When she realized she had nothing to lose but her bitterness, she decided to go ahead and try talking. They met at a restaurant and Beth thanked him for taking the time and let him know that she wanted to clear the air for the sake of her son. She said that even if they didn't get along at least her son would have a grandfather.
Myth #3: Forgiving means condoning unacceptable or even evil beha vior.
This myth hooks a lot of us, especially the perfectionists. To get beyond this myth, keep your focus on yourself. Forgiveness has to do with you, not the other person or his behavior. You aren’t saying that their behavior is acceptable or condoning it in any way. In fact, you can say in one breath, “Your behavior was not acceptable. Don't let it happen again. I forgive you.” Forgiveness acknowledges human frailty. It helps if you realize that we are all doing the best we can at the time, given the circumstances and sometimes that just isn't good enough.
When Beth met with her father, she stated the facts of the situation from her point of view and gave her father time to tell his side of the story. He said, "I never wanted to lie to you, I just couldn't bear the thought of losing your love." He added that he very much wanted to be a grandpa, but hadn't felt welcome.
Myth #4: You can't forgive someone unless they apologize.
Often people wait and wait, hoping one day an apology will magically materialize so they can feel free of this troublesome loose end in life. In most cases, the offender doesn’t even realize she’s offended, so why would she think of apologizing? This myth would also mean we couldn’t forgive any of our not so dearly departed. Webster's dictionary defines forgiveness as “giving up resentment of or claim to requital for.” In other words, the action is all right here in me and does not depend on the other person. You can forgive someone regardless of what they have done in the past and you can even forgive someone who is already dead and long gone. Forgiveness is for you – so you can be free of the anger, hurt and resentment. It isn't for them or about them at all. That is the mistake most people make – if you think that by holding onto your anger and pain you are somehow punishing the offender you are gravely mistaken. The only person who loses is the person who can't forgive. You'd be amazed how often the offender doesn't even realize they did something offensive.
The real gift of forgiveness is that it’s an act complete in itself. You can do it no matter what the other person says or does. We can't control what others do. We can only control ourselves. Don’t put off one of the most important steps in your life. It’s not necessary to ask for an apology or amends, but you may feel better if you do. Make your request without any expectation as to how the other person should respond. Be prepared to forgive them even if they say, “I never did that.”
Beth’s dad was grateful for the opportunity to apologize. Suddenly Beth realized that all her father wanted was to love and protect her. Yes, he had made a big mistake, but so had s he. She had shut him out. She said, "I'm so sorry." Beth forgave her father; he forgave her. They hugged each other for the first time in 15 years.
Who do you most need to forgive? Begin today — make a list of everyone that you'd rather not bump into and write down exactly what they did that so terribly offended or hurt you. You may even be surprised that you can't even recall the specifics of the incident yourself! Then make a point of writing, calling or speaking to each person on the list in order to clear the air. Make sure it is a good time to speak to them and that they aren't distracted or busy. Speak in a neutral, calm tone of voice and stick to the facts. “You said or did x and I felt y.” Then you can ask for amends or an apology if appropriate. Whether or not they apologize you can say, “I forgive you” and you'll be free.
Congratulations!
Make a resolution to start the New Year with a free and happy heart a nd start forgiving your loved ones this holiday season. You will be glad you did it!
Talane Miedaner, founder of the online coaching site, www.LifeCoach.com, is the international bestselling author of Coach Yourself to Success. She works in person, by phone, and online, helping her international clientele find wealth, success and happiness by restructuring their lives to easily attract the opportunities they want.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Talane Miedaner, MCC
Author of the international best seller, Coach Yourself to Success (McGraw-Hill, Jan 2000) and The Secret Laws of Attraction
Get free coaching tips at LifeCoach.com Copyright © 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
Copyright © 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
Why We Don't Forgive the Ones We Love the Most
by Talane Miedaner
If you want to heal your emotional life in one magical move, forgive. If you want to unleash more energy, creativity and joy -- drop your resentments like a heavy wool coat in summer and forgive. One client, Beth, 34, enjoys a highly successful career as a sales executive for a technology company. She works from home and loves her husband and three-year-old son. And yet happiness eludes her. Years ago, she felt deeply hurt when her father divorced her mother and married another woman. As a result, Beth has distanced herself from her dad.
Like Beth, most of us feel wronged in some way by people close to us. And most of us feel frustrated when it comes to forgiveness. We want to get this unpleasantness behind us, yet hang on to our grudges and gripes like a dog to its bone. We’ve bought into the four myths of forgiveness.
Myth #1: It’s not that important.
Why make a mountain out of a molehill? We toss the hurt into our bag of burdens, which compound faster than our IRAs, becoming heavier and heavier as we drag them through life. They drain our energy, infecting us as well as those around us with bitterness or resentment. Beth is modeling for her son a very cool, distant relationship with a parent. Is that what she wants later on with her child? Forgiveness is perhaps the most powerful practice we can embrace and the single greatest gift we can give ourselves. Beth has never spoken with her father about how hurt she felt when he left her mother and now every time she sees him, her unspoken anger and resentment bubble beneath a polite facade. Beth feels resigned to this way of life. The holidays are approaching and she’s dreading them. When we tell ourselves it’s not that important, we’re saying we’re not that important.
Myth #2: Let sleeping dogs lie.
The idea of revisiting some unpleasant incident from the past can feel so overwhelming, we’d rather ignore it. We procrastinate, insisting this isn’t the right time to forgive the person. Actually, there's never a good time not to forgive. My clients typically procrastinate so I gently remind them until they get to it. And they are never sorry they did. Their only complaint? "Why did it take me so long?" For years Beth felt that talking with her dad about her feelings would only make things worse so why bother? When she realized she had nothing to lose but her bitterness, she decided to go ahead and try talking. They met at a restaurant and Beth thanked him for taking the time and let him know that she wanted to clear the air for the sake of her son. She said that even if they didn't get along at least her son would have a grandfather.
Myth #3: Forgiving means condoning unacceptable or even evil beha vior.
This myth hooks a lot of us, especially the perfectionists. To get beyond this myth, keep your focus on yourself. Forgiveness has to do with you, not the other person or his behavior. You aren’t saying that their behavior is acceptable or condoning it in any way. In fact, you can say in one breath, “Your behavior was not acceptable. Don't let it happen again. I forgive you.” Forgiveness acknowledges human frailty. It helps if you realize that we are all doing the best we can at the time, given the circumstances and sometimes that just isn't good enough.
When Beth met with her father, she stated the facts of the situation from her point of view and gave her father time to tell his side of the story. He said, "I never wanted to lie to you, I just couldn't bear the thought of losing your love." He added that he very much wanted to be a grandpa, but hadn't felt welcome.
Myth #4: You can't forgive someone unless they apologize.
Often people wait and wait, hoping one day an apology will magically materialize so they can feel free of this troublesome loose end in life. In most cases, the offender doesn’t even realize she’s offended, so why would she think of apologizing? This myth would also mean we couldn’t forgive any of our not so dearly departed. Webster's dictionary defines forgiveness as “giving up resentment of or claim to requital for.” In other words, the action is all right here in me and does not depend on the other person. You can forgive someone regardless of what they have done in the past and you can even forgive someone who is already dead and long gone. Forgiveness is for you – so you can be free of the anger, hurt and resentment. It isn't for them or about them at all. That is the mistake most people make – if you think that by holding onto your anger and pain you are somehow punishing the offender you are gravely mistaken. The only person who loses is the person who can't forgive. You'd be amazed how often the offender doesn't even realize they did something offensive.
The real gift of forgiveness is that it’s an act complete in itself. You can do it no matter what the other person says or does. We can't control what others do. We can only control ourselves. Don’t put off one of the most important steps in your life. It’s not necessary to ask for an apology or amends, but you may feel better if you do. Make your request without any expectation as to how the other person should respond. Be prepared to forgive them even if they say, “I never did that.”
Beth’s dad was grateful for the opportunity to apologize. Suddenly Beth realized that all her father wanted was to love and protect her. Yes, he had made a big mistake, but so had s he. She had shut him out. She said, "I'm so sorry." Beth forgave her father; he forgave her. They hugged each other for the first time in 15 years.
Who do you most need to forgive? Begin today — make a list of everyone that you'd rather not bump into and write down exactly what they did that so terribly offended or hurt you. You may even be surprised that you can't even recall the specifics of the incident yourself! Then make a point of writing, calling or speaking to each person on the list in order to clear the air. Make sure it is a good time to speak to them and that they aren't distracted or busy. Speak in a neutral, calm tone of voice and stick to the facts. “You said or did x and I felt y.” Then you can ask for amends or an apology if appropriate. Whether or not they apologize you can say, “I forgive you” and you'll be free.
Congratulations!
Make a resolution to start the New Year with a free and happy heart a nd start forgiving your loved ones this holiday season. You will be glad you did it!
Talane Miedaner, founder of the online coaching site, www.LifeCoach.com, is the international bestselling author of Coach Yourself to Success. She works in person, by phone, and online, helping her international clientele find wealth, success and happiness by restructuring their lives to easily attract the opportunities they want.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Talane Miedaner, MCC
Author of the international best seller, Coach Yourself to Success (McGraw-Hill, Jan 2000) and The Secret Laws of Attraction
Get free coaching tips at LifeCoach.com Copyright © 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
Copyright © 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Don't Do It Yourself!
Talane’s Coaching Tip for the Week.
Don't Do It Yourself
My mother and father are big on do-it- yourself projects. I grew up eating my mom's home-grown canned veggies and home-made huckleberry jam. Mom sewed a lot of our clothes and cut our hair and dad did all the home improvements and fixed the cars. My dad's philosophy is that you can learn to do anything yourself and save the money on hiring incompetent help. By the age of 8 we were babysitting ourselves because our parents believed we were more sensible and competent than the irresponsible teenagers in the neighborhood.
As a result, I discovered the amazing power of hiring professionals rather late in life. It wasn't until I was twenty nine that I hired a house cleaner to come once a month to clean my tiny New York City apartment, which seemed the ultimate frivolity given it was only 500 square feet! But I loved coming home to a sparkling clean apartment and was soon hooked on hiring help. My next step was to hire a massage therapist and even my father would admit that you just can't massage your own back properly. Then I hired a professional image consultant who discarded my entire wardrobe and created a whole new look – very expensive initially, but I'm still wearing some of those great classic clothes years more than ten years later so an excellent investment in the long run.
Then, when I bought a tumbling down house in the Catskills, I had to hire help because I simply didn't have the skills required to rewire and re-plumb the place. But I still painted the entire place myself and glazed about 54 broken window panes with the help of my mother.
And people often ask me how I managed to write two books, renovate two houses and breastfeed two girls in a period of five years. This was thanks again to hiring help and also getting my own mother to help out for two months. You can get so much more accomplished if you focus your energy and time on your natural gifts (in my case, coaching, speaking and writing) and delegate as much as you possibly can to other professionals.
Perhaps because I know I could do it myself, if I really really wanted to, hiring help always feels like a real luxury, but in fact, it just makes sound economic sense. It doesn't always pay to learn how to do a job, buy the tools to do it properly when a professional can come in with years of experience, all the right tools and do an excellent job for you.
This holiday season, stop trying to do it all if you feel overwhelmed. Get in a cleaner to clean the house once a week, even if just to get you through the holidays in tact. Get a weekly massage to stay healthy and relieve holiday stress. And consider having your holiday dinner cooked by a local restaurant or going out to eat. If you love cooking for hordes of people, then carry on, but if not, why put yourself through all this stress?
Enjoy!
Warmest,
Talane
Talane Miedaner, MCC
Author of the international best seller, Coach Yourself to Success (McGraw-Hill, Jan 2000) and The Secret Laws of Attraction
Get free coaching tips at LifeCoach.com
Copyright © 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
Don't Do It Yourself
My mother and father are big on do-it- yourself projects. I grew up eating my mom's home-grown canned veggies and home-made huckleberry jam. Mom sewed a lot of our clothes and cut our hair and dad did all the home improvements and fixed the cars. My dad's philosophy is that you can learn to do anything yourself and save the money on hiring incompetent help. By the age of 8 we were babysitting ourselves because our parents believed we were more sensible and competent than the irresponsible teenagers in the neighborhood.
As a result, I discovered the amazing power of hiring professionals rather late in life. It wasn't until I was twenty nine that I hired a house cleaner to come once a month to clean my tiny New York City apartment, which seemed the ultimate frivolity given it was only 500 square feet! But I loved coming home to a sparkling clean apartment and was soon hooked on hiring help. My next step was to hire a massage therapist and even my father would admit that you just can't massage your own back properly. Then I hired a professional image consultant who discarded my entire wardrobe and created a whole new look – very expensive initially, but I'm still wearing some of those great classic clothes years more than ten years later so an excellent investment in the long run.
Then, when I bought a tumbling down house in the Catskills, I had to hire help because I simply didn't have the skills required to rewire and re-plumb the place. But I still painted the entire place myself and glazed about 54 broken window panes with the help of my mother.
And people often ask me how I managed to write two books, renovate two houses and breastfeed two girls in a period of five years. This was thanks again to hiring help and also getting my own mother to help out for two months. You can get so much more accomplished if you focus your energy and time on your natural gifts (in my case, coaching, speaking and writing) and delegate as much as you possibly can to other professionals.
Perhaps because I know I could do it myself, if I really really wanted to, hiring help always feels like a real luxury, but in fact, it just makes sound economic sense. It doesn't always pay to learn how to do a job, buy the tools to do it properly when a professional can come in with years of experience, all the right tools and do an excellent job for you.
This holiday season, stop trying to do it all if you feel overwhelmed. Get in a cleaner to clean the house once a week, even if just to get you through the holidays in tact. Get a weekly massage to stay healthy and relieve holiday stress. And consider having your holiday dinner cooked by a local restaurant or going out to eat. If you love cooking for hordes of people, then carry on, but if not, why put yourself through all this stress?
Enjoy!
Warmest,
Talane
Talane Miedaner, MCC
Author of the international best seller, Coach Yourself to Success (McGraw-Hill, Jan 2000) and The Secret Laws of Attraction
Get free coaching tips at LifeCoach.com
Copyright © 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
Saturday, 20 November 2010
How to win the BIG lottery.
Talane’s Coaching Tip for the Week
Another Simple Strategy for Creating an Ideal Life
As you can see, I’m on a roll here and if you still haven’t jotted down an ideal day or made a collage with the elements of your ideal life, what are you waiting for? It is your life after all, you’ve made it what it is today and if you don’t like it you can change it.
Here is another way to start living your ideal life today. Imagine that you just won the lottery and had billions – you can now buy everything that you wanted, do what you want, quit that job, lie on a beach and vegetate until the end of your life. But imagine you’ve done all this and it is now year two on the beach, you are very tan, but are now also getting a bit bored. You think to yourself, “What would be fun, interesting, or exciting to do?” Whatever you come up with is one of your values. Do you want to travel, play, have fun, lead and inspire people, explore, teach, manage, plan, create, invent, learn, design? Whatever you come up with is one of your core values – what is most important to you.
And this is the secret to winning the lottery in life without even buying a ticket. If you won the lottery, you’d be instantly freed up to do what you really want to do. But in truth, you can do this anyway. It may take a bit of restructuring to live your ideal life, but regardless, you can start today by identifying one of your core values and then creating a project that would fulfil that value. That might mean booking a vacation to a foreign country, taking an adult education class to learn something new and interesting, writing a screenplay, starting a band, taking scuba diving lessons, moving to a different city or country, finding more fulfilling work, etc.. There is something that you could do today that would allow you to live one of your values. And the more closely your life and work is in alignment with your top values, the happier and more fulfilled you will be. Better than winning the lottery actually as you’ll still have your friends!
Enjoy!
Talane
P.S. If you aren’t sure what your top four values are, you can find out by doing the exercises in my book Coach Yourself to a New Career or join our fun online community at LifeCoach.com!
Talane Miedaner, MCC
Author of the international best seller, Coach Yourself to Success (McGraw-Hill, Jan 2000) and The Secret Laws of Attraction
Get free coaching tips at LifeCoach.com
Copyright © 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
——————————————————————————–
Coach Yourself to Success Online
Special Introductory Offer – $1 for first 30 days ($19.95 regular price after 30 days)
For years I’ve had a vision of being able to provide affordable coaching for everyone who wants it. I’m delighted to announce that this vision is now a reality – LifeCoach.com is full of resources, free tips, quizzes, success stories, coaching programs, phone classes and best of all – a brand new, life-changing, 52-week coaching program, Coach Yourself to Success Online. Now you too can experience the benefits of life coaching at a very affordable fee. Check it out and let me know what you think
Another Simple Strategy for Creating an Ideal Life
As you can see, I’m on a roll here and if you still haven’t jotted down an ideal day or made a collage with the elements of your ideal life, what are you waiting for? It is your life after all, you’ve made it what it is today and if you don’t like it you can change it.
Here is another way to start living your ideal life today. Imagine that you just won the lottery and had billions – you can now buy everything that you wanted, do what you want, quit that job, lie on a beach and vegetate until the end of your life. But imagine you’ve done all this and it is now year two on the beach, you are very tan, but are now also getting a bit bored. You think to yourself, “What would be fun, interesting, or exciting to do?” Whatever you come up with is one of your values. Do you want to travel, play, have fun, lead and inspire people, explore, teach, manage, plan, create, invent, learn, design? Whatever you come up with is one of your core values – what is most important to you.
And this is the secret to winning the lottery in life without even buying a ticket. If you won the lottery, you’d be instantly freed up to do what you really want to do. But in truth, you can do this anyway. It may take a bit of restructuring to live your ideal life, but regardless, you can start today by identifying one of your core values and then creating a project that would fulfil that value. That might mean booking a vacation to a foreign country, taking an adult education class to learn something new and interesting, writing a screenplay, starting a band, taking scuba diving lessons, moving to a different city or country, finding more fulfilling work, etc.. There is something that you could do today that would allow you to live one of your values. And the more closely your life and work is in alignment with your top values, the happier and more fulfilled you will be. Better than winning the lottery actually as you’ll still have your friends!
Enjoy!
Talane
P.S. If you aren’t sure what your top four values are, you can find out by doing the exercises in my book Coach Yourself to a New Career or join our fun online community at LifeCoach.com!
Talane Miedaner, MCC
Author of the international best seller, Coach Yourself to Success (McGraw-Hill, Jan 2000) and The Secret Laws of Attraction
Get free coaching tips at LifeCoach.com
Copyright © 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
——————————————————————————–
Coach Yourself to Success Online
Special Introductory Offer – $1 for first 30 days ($19.95 regular price after 30 days)
For years I’ve had a vision of being able to provide affordable coaching for everyone who wants it. I’m delighted to announce that this vision is now a reality – LifeCoach.com is full of resources, free tips, quizzes, success stories, coaching programs, phone classes and best of all – a brand new, life-changing, 52-week coaching program, Coach Yourself to Success Online. Now you too can experience the benefits of life coaching at a very affordable fee. Check it out and let me know what you think
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
The Art of Emotional Detachment
Talane’s November 2010 Newsletter
The Art of Emotional Detachment
There is a Taoist principle that if you detach from the results you are much more likely to do well. When we try too hard, push or force to get something or achieve a result, it can repel the very thing or person you most want. Anxiety, tension and pressure lead to poor performance, whether in business or sports. The key is to develop a love of what you are doing without the emotional attachment to the results. Easier said than done when you want something so badly you can taste it!
My own personal take on this ancient philosophy is to add a positive twist to it. My approach to life is that “It is all good, even the bad stuff.” By anticipating that something good will come out of something that appears “bad” I believe I am setting myself up to attract something positive. Or, at the very least I'll think about how a negative event or situation can be turned into a positive. (Okay, so if I'm laid up in bed sick, this must be an opportunity to reflect on life, come up with a new book idea, etc.)
Think about it. Many mistakes have gone on to become huge successes. The chocolate chip cookie was a mistake and what a lovely one! The Post-it™ note was a failed glue that didn't quite stick. Would the old man have seen the potential Post-it™ note success if he had only remained neutral? It may be the surest way to prevent disappointment, but what if you actively engage in turning a negative into a positive? The person who made the failed glue must have had the thought “Hmm... okay, so it isn't really that sticky, but how could that be useful?”
What if we embraced our mistakes and worst problems and dug around to find out how they might be turned into something even better?
Enjoy!
Talane
Talane Miedaner, MCC
Author of the international best seller, Coach Yourself to Success (McGraw-Hill, Jan 2000) and The Secret Laws of AttractionThe Art of Emotional Detachment
There is a Taoist principle that if you detach from the results you are much more likely to do well. When we try too hard, push or force to get something or achieve a result, it can repel the very thing or person you most want. Anxiety, tension and pressure lead to poor performance, whether in business or sports. The key is to develop a love of what you are doing without the emotional attachment to the results. Easier said than done when you want something so badly you can taste it!
One way to reduce our attachment is to stop judging what is happening. What if it just is what is and isn't good or bad? A classic Taoist story demonstrates this beautifully:
A very old Chinese man and his young son lived during a period of much civil strife. They were considered rich by the villagers because they owned a horse. One morning, the son awoke to find his horse had run away. Running to his father, he informed him of this tragedy, saying this was the worst thing that could have happened. His father, in all his wisdom, replied, "Is that so? How do you know what it means?" The next day, as the boy was working in the barn, he heard the sound of horses galloping in the distance. When he looked up he saw his horse leading a herd of wild ponies to him. Seeing this, he ran to the house shouting, "The horse has come back leading a herd. This is the greatest thing that's ever happened!" In all his wisdom, the old man replied once again: "Is that so? How do you know what it means?" That afternoon, the boy decided to tame one of the ponies. As he proudly sat atop the new-found gift, the horse bucked, thro wing the boy to the ground causing a broken collarbone and a fractured arm. As he was placed in his bed by his father, he said, "All those horses coming – that's the worst thing that could have happened." Once again, the old man spoke: "Is that so? How do you know what it means?" The next day, father and son were abruptly awakened by the sound of militia knocking on their door. They were here to take the boy to fight in the civil war. The old man said, "There he is, take him." The captain took one look and said, "He's useless to us," and left. The boy said, "This is the best luck I've ever had." And the old man, in his wisdom replied, "Is that so? How do you know what it means?”*
My own personal take on this ancient philosophy is to add a positive twist to it. My approach to life is that “It is all good, even the bad stuff.” By anticipating that something good will come out of something that appears “bad” I believe I am setting myself up to attract something positive. Or, at the very least I'll think about how a negative event or situation can be turned into a positive. (Okay, so if I'm laid up in bed sick, this must be an opportunity to reflect on life, come up with a new book idea, etc.)
Think about it. Many mistakes have gone on to become huge successes. The chocolate chip cookie was a mistake and what a lovely one! The Post-it™ note was a failed glue that didn't quite stick. Would the old man have seen the potential Post-it™ note success if he had only remained neutral? It may be the surest way to prevent disappointment, but what if you actively engage in turning a negative into a positive? The person who made the failed glue must have had the thought “Hmm... okay, so it isn't really that sticky, but how could that be useful?”
What if we embraced our mistakes and worst problems and dug around to find out how they might be turned into something even better?
Enjoy!
Talane
* Story excerpted from Thinking Body, Dancing Mind by Chungliang Al Huang and Jerry Lynch.
.. Talane Miedaner, MCC
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Copyright © 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
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Faye Morgan, Editor faye@lifecoach.com
Talane Coaching Company
www.LifeCoach.com
1-888-4-TALANE (1-888-482-5263) or 407-628-2909
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Simple Strategies for Creating an Ideal Life...continued
Talane’s Tip for the Week
Simple Strategies for Creating an Ideal Life . . .continued
Simple Strategies for Creating an Ideal Life . . .continued
I just got back from a week soaking up the glorious sunshine and eating grilled octopus and roasted aubergine in Greece with my husband and two girls. We booked this holiday ages ago as we've finally learned that if we don't travel when the kids have a school holiday, we won't travel. Since we love traveling and this is one of the values we share as a couple, it makes sense to orient our life and work around the school vacations. Sounds simple, but how many of you book your holidays for the year in advance? First, it is often a lot cheaper and second, you will schedule in regular breaks throughout the year. If we hadn't booked this trip, we would have worked through it and been exhausted little pups by the time the Christmas holidays came around. And the schools here in the UK are quite sensible in that they have a week or two break every 6 or 7 weeks. This no doubt prevents burnout in the children as well.
The point of all this is that you need to find out what your top values are (mine are travel, adventure, lead and inspire and beauty) and then orient your life and work around them. This ensures that even if you never have your “ideal” life, you will certainly have a rich and fulfilling life- -and what could be more ideal than that?
Enjoy!
Talane
P.S. If you aren't sure what your top four values are, you can find out by doing the exercises in my book Coach Yourself to a New Career or join our fun online community at LifeCoach.com!
Talane Miedaner, MCC
Author of the international best seller, Coach Yourself to Success (McGraw-Hill, Jan 2000) and The Secret Laws of Attraction
Get free coaching tips at LifeCoach.com
Copyright © 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coach Yourself to Success Online
Special Introductory Offer - $1 for first 30 days ($19.95 regular price after 30 days)
For years I've had a vision of being able to provide affordable coaching for everyone who wants it. I'm delighted to announce that this vision is now a reality – LifeCoach.com is full of resources, free tips, quizzes, success stories, coaching programs, phone classes and best of all – a brand new, life-changing, 52-week coaching program, Coach Yourself to Success Online. Now you too can experience the benefits of life coaching at a very affordable fee. Check it out and let me know what you think
Simple Strategies for Creating an Ideal Life . . .continued
Simple Strategies for Creating an Ideal Life . . .continued
I just got back from a week soaking up the glorious sunshine and eating grilled octopus and roasted aubergine in Greece with my husband and two girls. We booked this holiday ages ago as we've finally learned that if we don't travel when the kids have a school holiday, we won't travel. Since we love traveling and this is one of the values we share as a couple, it makes sense to orient our life and work around the school vacations. Sounds simple, but how many of you book your holidays for the year in advance? First, it is often a lot cheaper and second, you will schedule in regular breaks throughout the year. If we hadn't booked this trip, we would have worked through it and been exhausted little pups by the time the Christmas holidays came around. And the schools here in the UK are quite sensible in that they have a week or two break every 6 or 7 weeks. This no doubt prevents burnout in the children as well.
The point of all this is that you need to find out what your top values are (mine are travel, adventure, lead and inspire and beauty) and then orient your life and work around them. This ensures that even if you never have your “ideal” life, you will certainly have a rich and fulfilling life- -and what could be more ideal than that?
Enjoy!
Talane
P.S. If you aren't sure what your top four values are, you can find out by doing the exercises in my book Coach Yourself to a New Career or join our fun online community at LifeCoach.com!
Talane Miedaner, MCC
Author of the international best seller, Coach Yourself to Success (McGraw-Hill, Jan 2000) and The Secret Laws of Attraction
Get free coaching tips at LifeCoach.com
Copyright © 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coach Yourself to Success Online
Special Introductory Offer - $1 for first 30 days ($19.95 regular price after 30 days)
For years I've had a vision of being able to provide affordable coaching for everyone who wants it. I'm delighted to announce that this vision is now a reality – LifeCoach.com is full of resources, free tips, quizzes, success stories, coaching programs, phone classes and best of all – a brand new, life-changing, 52-week coaching program, Coach Yourself to Success Online. Now you too can experience the benefits of life coaching at a very affordable fee. Check it out and let me know what you think
Friday, 29 October 2010
More Simple Strategies for Creating an Ideal Life
Talane’s Coaching Tip for the Week
More Simple Strategies for Creating an Ideal Life
Talane Miedaner, MCC
Author of the international best seller, Coach Yourself to Success (McGraw-Hill, Jan 2000) and The Secret Laws of AttractionMore Simple Strategies for Creating an Ideal Life
If you are still struggling to sketch out an ideal life, start by creating the ideal way to start and end each day. How would you like to wake up in the morning? What bedtime routine would be ideal for you? You may not have as much control during the day while in a job, but you can start moving one step closer to the ideal life by making your mornings and evenings ideal. One client envisioned an ideal morning of having freshly made coffee and hot blueberry muffins on her deck overlooking the trees in her back yard while writing in her journal. She realized this was something she didn't have to wait to implement.
Right now, my ideal morning starts when my two little girls climb into bed at 6:30 a.m. for a snuggle and then we go down to make pancakes for breakfast before walking to school. I used to write in my journal in the morning before having children, but now it is easier to do that in the evenings before I go to bed and use the journal to recap the events of the day after a nice long soak in the tub.
What is your ideal morning and evening? Start with one small change in the right direction, even if that is just to make a batch of blueberry muffins and freeze them so you can take one with you to work, that will take you one step closer to living your ideal life.
Enjoy!
Talane
Talane
Talane Miedaner, MCC
Get free coaching tips at LifeCoach.com
Copyright © 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
Coach Yourself to Success Online
Special Introductory Offer - $1 for first 30 days ($19.95 regular price after 30 days)
For years I've had a vision of being able to provide affordable coaching for everyone who wants it. I'm delighted to announce that this vision is now a reality – LifeCoach.com is full of resources, free tips, quizzes, success stories, coaching programs, phone classes and best of all – a brand new, life-changing, 52-week coaching program, Coach Yourself to Success Online. Now you too can experience the benefits of life coaching at a very affordable fee. Check it out and let me know what you think
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