Talane’s Coaching Tip for the Week, September 28, 2009
Soul Story Telling
Before I went away for vacation this summer, I had the wonderful opportunity to receive a soul story reading from Ronnie Slavis. I've never done this before so I didn't have a clue what to expect and was pleasantly surprised when I heard my story. Ronnie perfectly articulated my unique gift – my special talent is to awaken the excitement in others for what they truly want to do. (Not a bad thing for a life coach to have!) He also revealed in the story that I need to play more and have fun—one of my top values that hasn't been getting enough expression ever since I've had my two girls. How is it that kids love to play more than anything? In fact, they are the embodiment of the power of play and yet I'm playing less than ever – the responsibilities of parenthood no doubt. So with a strong message to play and explore and to try dancing to Gabrielle Roth's Wave dance I made sure I spent my summer playing with the girls on the beach as well as finishing up my next book. And not only did we do the Wave dance together, but we also did some belly dancing, which is rather like it! Apparently, I also have the gift of lucid dreaming, so I'm going to do a bit of research about that and see what that reveals. A fascinating experience and if you are feeling a bit lost or disconnected from your purpose in life, this may be the just the thing for you!
For more information about getting your own soul story contact Ronnie Slavis at www.soulstoryteller.com.
Copyright © 2009 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
Thursday, 8 October 2009
Thursday, 1 October 2009
More on The Power of Focus.
Talane’s Coaching Tip for the Week, September 23, 2009
More on The Power of Focus
As a quick follow-up to last week's tip on only having one big goal, a maximum of three projects (making sure that one of those projects is forwarding your big goal) and keeping a running tab or list of all the other projects in the sidelines....an old friend, Ann Wall, in Miami sent in the following: “What about using the simple method of "one in, one out" same as I try to apply to my shoe wardrobe? That way you have to decide to either give up or complete one goal/project before you start another. That would allow you to reconfirm how important your goal or project is because it "wins out" when compared to possible new projects that come up. Helps strengthen you resolve.”
A great way to handle your shoes as well as your work.
Enjoy!
Talane
P.S. I spent a few hours listing every single project that I could come up with (the entire gamut from organizing the photos into albums to the next book idea) on index cards. I ended up using an entire stack of cards. Now it is easy to shuffle through them and pull out my top three at any time. As new projects or ideas occur to me, I give each one a separate index card and put it in the stack.
P.P.S And, an old coaching rule of thumb; if you have had any goal for over a year and haven't taken any real action to achieve it or move it forward, toss out that goal (it's dead!) and pick one that actually excites or interests you instead! You'll feel better immediately.
Copyright © 2009 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
More on The Power of Focus
As a quick follow-up to last week's tip on only having one big goal, a maximum of three projects (making sure that one of those projects is forwarding your big goal) and keeping a running tab or list of all the other projects in the sidelines....an old friend, Ann Wall, in Miami sent in the following: “What about using the simple method of "one in, one out" same as I try to apply to my shoe wardrobe? That way you have to decide to either give up or complete one goal/project before you start another. That would allow you to reconfirm how important your goal or project is because it "wins out" when compared to possible new projects that come up. Helps strengthen you resolve.”
A great way to handle your shoes as well as your work.
Enjoy!
Talane
P.S. I spent a few hours listing every single project that I could come up with (the entire gamut from organizing the photos into albums to the next book idea) on index cards. I ended up using an entire stack of cards. Now it is easy to shuffle through them and pull out my top three at any time. As new projects or ideas occur to me, I give each one a separate index card and put it in the stack.
P.P.S And, an old coaching rule of thumb; if you have had any goal for over a year and haven't taken any real action to achieve it or move it forward, toss out that goal (it's dead!) and pick one that actually excites or interests you instead! You'll feel better immediately.
Copyright © 2009 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
Thursday, 24 September 2009
Talane's Coaching Tip for the Week.
Talane’s Coaching Tip for the Week, September 14, 2009
The Power of Less
Hello all! I have just returned to the UK after two glorious months in Manitowoc, Wisconsin where my mom lives—we had fun playing on the beach of Lake Michigan—beautiful weather all summer and, oddly enough, no mosquitoes this summer. We were glad to have missed yet another dismal English summer—rainy and cold. My eldest daughter has started “big” school and has a uniform (all the schools in the UK have uniforms) and looks so official now. And I've just finished writing my third book, Coach Yourself to a New Career that will be coming out this spring! A fun and busy summer to say the least!
Upon my return to England, I found my husband had ordered a book called Power of Less, The: The Fine Art of Limiting Yourself to the Essential...in Business and in Life by Leo Babauta and ironically, he ordered two copies by mistake. So I read it and thought it just the medicine required. I'm a packrat by nature and my natural inclination is for more, not less. (My husband is the minimalist.) Babauta recommends getting rid of the clutter, but doesn't tell you how (you'll have to read my book for that—Coach Yourself to Success!), and he recommends focusing on one thing at a time, and thankfully, he gives specific instruction on how to do that. His main point is to never have more han one big goal going on at a time and that goal should be achievable in a 6-12 month time frame). In my case, that would be writing a book. If your goal takes longer than a year to complete, then you need to break into smaller segments. In addition, you can have a maximum of three projects going on with the caveat that one of the three projects must be supporting and related to your big goal. [A project is defined as something that would take at least a day to complete or more but isn't as big as the big goal.] In my case a project might be to interview clients for the book or read a book for research, or draft a chapter.
My problem is that I'm always tempted to put more than one goal and more than three projects on at a time. Babuata says this dilutes the power of your focus—a very good point! So until you finish all three projects, you can't add in any new ones. I like the rigor of his approach and will try it out in real life to see if it is actually practical. I suspect, depending on your job and the nature of your work, you may need to adapt this to your own situation. Ideally, if you can get away with only doing one thing at a time, he recommends it as the best way to get things finished. I have to agree. Two weeks before I left England I got it into my head that I should try to get the first draft of my book done. (My original plan was to write it in Wisconsin). By giving myself permission to really focus on this one project intensely and write as much as I could every day, I did get the entire rough draft done! Of course, it needed more work over the summer, but I started the summer with a really solid draft to work on and refine—and boy was I glad because once I arrived in Wisconsin I really felt like sitting on the beach drinking margaritas. I slipped into holiday mode instantly.
This strategy requires saying “no” to lots of things so that you can focus on your one big goal and the three projects (remember that one of those three projects is for your big goal). He gives some good tips on how to tell your boss three projects is enough for any one human being. And he gives some good tips on managing your email–like only checking it twice a day and never ever check email before you've done some work on your big goal. Overall, the book is a quick read, concisely written and a great reminder to focus on one thing at a time and get rid of all other distractions. By the way, Babauta has six kids so such a strategy is essential or I could imagine he wouldn't get anything accomplished!
Enjoy!
Talane
P.S. I just wanted to share that even if you only have half an hour a day for your big goal, you'll get there in the end. I know an author who wrote her book every night for half an hour while her son was little—it was all the time she could spare and had the energy for. She finished the book in one year! So think about it—in one year from a day you could have a book or some other big goal accomplished! But just pick one big goal!
Copyright © 2009 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
The Power of Less
Hello all! I have just returned to the UK after two glorious months in Manitowoc, Wisconsin where my mom lives—we had fun playing on the beach of Lake Michigan—beautiful weather all summer and, oddly enough, no mosquitoes this summer. We were glad to have missed yet another dismal English summer—rainy and cold. My eldest daughter has started “big” school and has a uniform (all the schools in the UK have uniforms) and looks so official now. And I've just finished writing my third book, Coach Yourself to a New Career that will be coming out this spring! A fun and busy summer to say the least!
Upon my return to England, I found my husband had ordered a book called Power of Less, The: The Fine Art of Limiting Yourself to the Essential...in Business and in Life by Leo Babauta and ironically, he ordered two copies by mistake. So I read it and thought it just the medicine required. I'm a packrat by nature and my natural inclination is for more, not less. (My husband is the minimalist.) Babauta recommends getting rid of the clutter, but doesn't tell you how (you'll have to read my book for that—Coach Yourself to Success!), and he recommends focusing on one thing at a time, and thankfully, he gives specific instruction on how to do that. His main point is to never have more han one big goal going on at a time and that goal should be achievable in a 6-12 month time frame). In my case, that would be writing a book. If your goal takes longer than a year to complete, then you need to break into smaller segments. In addition, you can have a maximum of three projects going on with the caveat that one of the three projects must be supporting and related to your big goal. [A project is defined as something that would take at least a day to complete or more but isn't as big as the big goal.] In my case a project might be to interview clients for the book or read a book for research, or draft a chapter.
My problem is that I'm always tempted to put more than one goal and more than three projects on at a time. Babuata says this dilutes the power of your focus—a very good point! So until you finish all three projects, you can't add in any new ones. I like the rigor of his approach and will try it out in real life to see if it is actually practical. I suspect, depending on your job and the nature of your work, you may need to adapt this to your own situation. Ideally, if you can get away with only doing one thing at a time, he recommends it as the best way to get things finished. I have to agree. Two weeks before I left England I got it into my head that I should try to get the first draft of my book done. (My original plan was to write it in Wisconsin). By giving myself permission to really focus on this one project intensely and write as much as I could every day, I did get the entire rough draft done! Of course, it needed more work over the summer, but I started the summer with a really solid draft to work on and refine—and boy was I glad because once I arrived in Wisconsin I really felt like sitting on the beach drinking margaritas. I slipped into holiday mode instantly.
This strategy requires saying “no” to lots of things so that you can focus on your one big goal and the three projects (remember that one of those three projects is for your big goal). He gives some good tips on how to tell your boss three projects is enough for any one human being. And he gives some good tips on managing your email–like only checking it twice a day and never ever check email before you've done some work on your big goal. Overall, the book is a quick read, concisely written and a great reminder to focus on one thing at a time and get rid of all other distractions. By the way, Babauta has six kids so such a strategy is essential or I could imagine he wouldn't get anything accomplished!
Enjoy!
Talane
P.S. I just wanted to share that even if you only have half an hour a day for your big goal, you'll get there in the end. I know an author who wrote her book every night for half an hour while her son was little—it was all the time she could spare and had the energy for. She finished the book in one year! So think about it—in one year from a day you could have a book or some other big goal accomplished! But just pick one big goal!
Copyright © 2009 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
Talane’s Coaching Classic Tip for the Week, September 8, 2009
Talane’s Coaching Classic Tip for the Week, September 8, 2009
Listen Profoundly
Most people like to think that they are good listeners. Very few people actually are. Think about the people you know. Of all your friends and family, how many really listen to you? Listening is an art and, like any life skill, takes practice. No one ever taught us how to listen; we were taught to speak. Stop worrying so much about what you are going to say. What really attracts people is not what you say, but how well you listen. Listening and keeping your stories to yourself will lead to an unexpected result. The person who does the most talking ends up feeling he knows and trusts the listener. It seems like it should be in reverse, that the person listening should feel he knows the talker, but this isn’t the case. A well-known reporter confirmed this. He said that the way to build trust is to listen and keep on listening and then keep on listening some more. As a rule of thumb, talk 20 percent of the time and listen 80 percent. Try this today and see what happens. You might be amazed at the things people will tell you when you really listen. People will love you for listening. Listening profoundly is not easy; it takes practice. Experiment. Try listening for three minutes before you say your piece. The more profoundly you listen, the more people will enjoy being around you and the more opportunities you will attract.
Copyright © 2009 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved
Listen Profoundly
Most people like to think that they are good listeners. Very few people actually are. Think about the people you know. Of all your friends and family, how many really listen to you? Listening is an art and, like any life skill, takes practice. No one ever taught us how to listen; we were taught to speak. Stop worrying so much about what you are going to say. What really attracts people is not what you say, but how well you listen. Listening and keeping your stories to yourself will lead to an unexpected result. The person who does the most talking ends up feeling he knows and trusts the listener. It seems like it should be in reverse, that the person listening should feel he knows the talker, but this isn’t the case. A well-known reporter confirmed this. He said that the way to build trust is to listen and keep on listening and then keep on listening some more. As a rule of thumb, talk 20 percent of the time and listen 80 percent. Try this today and see what happens. You might be amazed at the things people will tell you when you really listen. People will love you for listening. Listening profoundly is not easy; it takes practice. Experiment. Try listening for three minutes before you say your piece. The more profoundly you listen, the more people will enjoy being around you and the more opportunities you will attract.
Copyright © 2009 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved
Monday, 17 August 2009
The Power of a Clean Desk
The Power of a Clean Desk
The other day I was feeling a bit stuck and overwhelmed. I took a look at my desk, heaped with papers and all sorts and decided to spend an entire day taking care of everything on my desk and inbox. Down to zero was the objective!
The trick to doing this is to pick up the first piece of paper and handle it completely. I have to resist my natural tendency to sift through the pile and pick out the ones that look like fun, are interesting, or easy to do and be rigorous about it. Otherwise I just end up shuffling paper from one place to another.
This is not the time to pick up a big project and work on it. Those go into a project file or folder. This is the time to clear up all those sticky notes and bits of paper and get everything organized and filed. Pay the bills, send out that thank you note. Handle any loose ends.
At the end of the day, I felt amazingly liberated. I no longer felt a sense of dread just looking at my desk, in fact, my head felt clear and I felt inspired to write. I actually was eager to start working on the next book. Wow! The power of a clean desk. Well worth the investment of time.
If you are feeling bogged down or stuck, look at your diary, find a clear day and reserve it for a clean up day. You’ll be amazed at the newfound energy!
All the best,
Talane
The other day I was feeling a bit stuck and overwhelmed. I took a look at my desk, heaped with papers and all sorts and decided to spend an entire day taking care of everything on my desk and inbox. Down to zero was the objective!
The trick to doing this is to pick up the first piece of paper and handle it completely. I have to resist my natural tendency to sift through the pile and pick out the ones that look like fun, are interesting, or easy to do and be rigorous about it. Otherwise I just end up shuffling paper from one place to another.
This is not the time to pick up a big project and work on it. Those go into a project file or folder. This is the time to clear up all those sticky notes and bits of paper and get everything organized and filed. Pay the bills, send out that thank you note. Handle any loose ends.
At the end of the day, I felt amazingly liberated. I no longer felt a sense of dread just looking at my desk, in fact, my head felt clear and I felt inspired to write. I actually was eager to start working on the next book. Wow! The power of a clean desk. Well worth the investment of time.
If you are feeling bogged down or stuck, look at your diary, find a clear day and reserve it for a clean up day. You’ll be amazed at the newfound energy!
All the best,
Talane
Monday, 20 July 2009
My Blog of the Week, 19th July.
One of my new clients came to me with the almost universal goal to lose weight—10 lbs. to be precise. I asked her how long she had this as a goal and she admitted it was over a year without any real progress so I told her to throw that goal out as it was a dead goal not worth putting any energy into at all. But she persisted and said that she was concerned that she was now getting to the stage in life where weight that once came off easily wasn’t anymore and she had other health issues she wanted to deal with as well. I replied that I wouldn’t work with her on losing weight, but would support her in a bigger goal that would have weight loss be a by product of that bigger goal or project. That way she could focus on the big goal and I could support her in that and the weight would come off by itself. For example, she could enter the NY marathon and join a team of people in training to run it. Pretty fair bet she’d lose ten pounds without even thinking about it. Or take ballroom dancing lessons with the goal of entering a competition. Or take yoga teacher training, etc. I gave her a week to think of a bigger goal that would excite her but she came back empty handed saying that she couldn’t think of a bigger goal that appealed to her other than improving her general health and fitness. Not very exciting. I suggested that instead of that, she embark on a program of extreme self care to include things such as working with a nutritionist to design a food plan tailor made to her needs, working with her life coach (me!), getting a weekly massage, manicure/pedicure, facial, pilates three times a week, etc. Now that sounds like more fun! She also had to write down her weight every day in a log book and take her average weight lose for the week. She lost 1 lb. The first week already. Then she put down lose two lbs. this week and I had to stop her. She can’t really control whether her body will lose those two pounds this week so that goal had to go. Instead we put in the goal that she would put her nutritional plan in place this week and start working out at home when she didn’t have pilates that day. That is something she can promise to do and deliver on.
Just a general rule of thumb, it isn’t a good idea to set goals for yourself that you can’t control. She can’t really promise to me she’ll lose two lbs this week, but she can promise to exercise every day and start eating the foods on her plan.
On a personal note, I’ve decided to make fitness my own goal and get my body back to pre-pregnancy shape. As my youngest daughter will be two this December and my body hasn’t naturally gone back, it is high time I make this a priority. As with any current initiative, I give them first priority and do it first thing in the morning. I just couldn’t muster up the energy to do it at night so this was my solution. As a result, I had to squish my work time into the afternoon hours and be more efficient and start my day at about 12noon instead of 9am. So far, this has worked out just fine and my business is still intact.
Give your special project first priority and do it before you open your emails or check your voice mail and you’ll be amazed at the results. I’m quite pleased with my thighs these days J.
Warmest,
Talane
Friday, 3 July 2009
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
Confucios says our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
I thought I’d give an update on my personal and business goals. If you remember, I had a huge list of things to get done before my 40th birthday and now it looks I’m going to have to scale down my expectations. Perhaps if I get them all done while I’m forty that would be good! Babies do take time, there is no doubt about it. I just can’t move as quickly as before.
I have made good progress though:
- I passed my Driving Theory test with flying colors! I know that seems like a little thing, but it is half the battle. I now need to take the practical driving test. Driving in
- I’ve written an outline for my next book and am waiting to get a thumbs up or down from my agent. Waiting on tenterhooks I might add! I’m very excited about this new book idea. Keep your fingers crossed!
- I added a new goal to the list and, at the last minute, decided to do a 9-week Coach Yourself to Success Phoneclass, which is almost over now. The class has been brilliant so I’ll be able to convert it into a 9-hour CD set and have it available for sale in the fall. Another product for sale is always good!
- A number of coaches have registered for www.lifecoach.com , but I have room for a more. (Any interested coaches must be trained or in training in an ICF Accredited Coach Training Program to qualify for a listing.) I haven’t done anything to promote this new site other than write an email.
- I’ve lost more weight, but am still 14lbs. shy of my goal. I’ve come to a huge realization. All my life I’ve done crash diets with the goal to lose the weight as quickly as possible. This time, because I was breast-feeding, the doctor advised losing only 2 lbs. a week. I’ve been on this slow diet now since December and have lost 28 lbs. It doesn’t sound impressive, but it has had the interesting effect of changing my eating habits. When crash dieting I didn’t mind eating anything (cabbage soup, grapefruit, egg whites, etc. I once even did a ghastly cold hotdog diet), but since I have been dieting for half a year, I’ve had to find recipes that are really tasty. Otherwise it is pure misery. I now have a vast file of really great, low-fat recipes and have changed my habits for good. For example, I use an olive oil sprayer now instead of pouring oil into the pan. It is amazing how these tiny little changes can lead to significant weight loss over time. I’ve also decided that fast diets aren’t good at all because they don’t give you enough time to actually change your habits (psychologists say it takes 21 days to change a habit) and the weight comes back on and then some afterwards so why bother?
- I’ve cleaned up my office (with the help of a professional organizer) and my husband deleted all my email backlog (bless his heart!) so I only have a relatively small paper backlog. If you haven’t heard from me and should have, your email was probably deleted so please let me know!
Life is good, the summer is here and I’m taking all of August off to enjoy the beach and my family. The Europeans definitely know what they are doing in the vacation department. Wouldn’t it be great if Americans decided to take the month of August off as well. I hope to start a trend. J
If there is any coaching to be gained from this email, it might be that if you set over-ambitious goals and don’t reach them, don’t worry, just extend the deadline or change the goal! The work will still be there.
All the best,
Talane
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