Thursday 2 September 2010

Ask for what you really need.


Talane’s Coaching Tip for the Week    Raising Your Emotional IQ Instantly: Ask for What You Really Need 
One of my clients adamantly refused to ask his friends and family to fulfil his need to be appreciated/valued. He argued that if it were natural to ask someone, then he wouldn't feel this tremendous reluctance to do so. We went back and forth on this topic for weeks until he finally relented and agreed to ask his 8 year old daughter to make him a card that would let him know she appreciated him. His daughter was delighted with this project, made him a card and gave it to him and he felt incredibly appreciated and loved. He then got the courage to ask his other children and his closest friends to appreciate him. Now mind you, this guy was super successful, owned three businesses and reported that he knew his family loved him, but this exercise made a huge difference to his feeling of being appreciated.
Now that I have two children of my own, I can see very clearly that children have no trouble whatsoever asking for what they want and need. My three-year old daughter asks if I'll stroke her around the ear after I tuck her into bed. Although she doesn't articulate her need to be loved, this tender gesture is clearly making her feel loved. And my five year old asks me to sing her a song I made up about 14 angels and loves having her hair stroked. They regularly ask for a cuddle whenever they want one. They know what they need and aren't one bit afraid to ask.
So what happened that as adults we become afraid to ask a loved one to stroke our hair or give us a cuddle or to ask a friend to give us a big hug? We still have the same emotional needs, we just decided to stop asking. Those who never stopped asking are the ones who come across as confident and strong. The ones are those who never ask remain “needy.”
 You can instantly turn this around simply by asking for what you really need. If you need more permission, don't believe me, it is already written in the Bible, “Ask and you shall receive.”
Enjoy!
Talane
P.S. If you haven't taken the free Emotional Index Quiz, go right ahead and take it at www.lifecoach.com. You have nothing to lose but a bunch of unmet needs!


Talane Miedaner, MCC
Author of the international best seller, Coach Yourself to Success (McGraw-Hill, Jan 2000) and The Secret Laws of Attraction
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Copyright © 2010 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved. 



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101 great tips can be found in the bestselling book Coach Yourself to Success by Talane Miedaner. 
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