Talane's Coaching Tip of the Week June 22

When I was a little girl I read a story that I’ve never forgotten, but I can’t remember the title. or the details very clearly. It was about a man who was very unhappy--his life was grey and dull. He went into a travel agency, attracted by the beautiful posters of bright and exotic locations on the wall. The travel agent asked where he would like to go and he said he didn’t have enough money to go anywhere but wanted to go someplace where people were happy and friendly and warm. The kindly agent asked how much he had in total and he dug out of his pockets all the money he had which amounted to about $39.00 and wasn’t really enough to go anywhere nice. The agent said not to worry, there was a very special place he could go for that much money with beautiful white sandy beaches. He said to wait at a particular place for a bus and then get on the bus and the driver would take him to this wonderful place. He gave the agent all the money he had and got the ticket for the bus. While standing at the bus stop, he started to doubt that this was real and suddenly thought that he had been an idiot and that this travel agent had ripped him off and taken all his remaining money. He was just about to leave when he saw the bus coming. It stopped and the door opened and he got on the bus but he was the only one on the bus, which he thought was very suspicious. Finally, the bus stopped and there, in the middle of nowhere was a barn or an old building. The bus door opened and he got off and the driver said he should go into the building. He wasn’t and hesitated, but then decided that this was crazy and told the driver to take him back to town. The door to the barn opened and there he saw in a flash all sorts of happy, smiling people, children laughing and playing on the beautiful beach. Everything looked lovely, but the door shut and it was all gone. He went back to the travel agent and asked if he could take the special trip again, but the agent was different and said there were no such trips and gave him a refund of his money. He went back to his sad, grey life.

That in essence was the story --a children’s story, but applicable to adults. The reason I am sharing it here is that every day people turn away from their dreams because they can’t believe that a better life is available. People choose to go back to their same old grey life when the sunny life awaits them and is there for the choosing, but chose you must. We just lost a client this week who chose to follow the hard path in life and continue doing work that he doesn’t enjoy when his dreams are there, bright and shiny, waiting for him to chose them. He opted to work with a coach who would hold him accountable to his goals, but not his dreams. That isn’t how we work in my company.

Now is the time to start living your dreams. Get on the bus, have a little faith in yourself.

All the best,

Talane

PS If you know of the title of this children’s story, please let me know as I’d love to get it right!

The Brain Purge.

The Brain Purge.

Last night I went to bed early, listened to my meditation tape that usually sends me right off but there I lay, wide awake thinking of all sorts of random things I needed to do. After a good hour laying there with all these thoughts coming in and my brain churning with ideas, I decided to go with the flow instead of fight it. I got up, put my robe on and went to the kitchen and made myself a cup of camomile tea (to help me relax and sleep) and ate a prune yogurt—I know, it sounds disgusting but they are really nice! Then I went back upstairs and ripped a page out of my journal to write down all the things to do—the gamut from defrosting the freezer to writing a new book. I ended up filling five pages with everything I could possibly think of –no wonder I couldn’t sleep! With every last thing I could possibly think of written down, I was finally able to go back to sleep. I just needed a little spring cleaning for my brain!

If you are feeling overwhelmed with things to do (day or night) this is a great exercise. The wonderful thing is that it gets all this random stuff out of your head and onto a piece of paper (or five!) so you can see it objectively in the light of day. I am now reviewing the list, delegating what I can, and ticking things off. The good news is that this list is finite. There is an end in sight. When things churn around in my head, it feels never-ending and snowball out of proportion. I now feel clear-headed and relaxed.

Try this out and see for yourself!

Warmest,

Talane

The Magic of Three

The Magic of Three

One of my highly successful clients shared one of his very effective tips for powerful relationships both in business and in his personal life called “The Magic of Three.” The key to making sure your spouse, date, manager or employee feels really special is to do three special things in one day. All it takes is three little things to make someone feel wonderful. And the combined impact of doing three in one day is better than doing one small thing a day. Here is an example of how this might work. In the morning, you might bring your mate a cup of tea or coffee just how they like it in bed or leave a post it note on the bathroom mirror saying, “Morning, gorgeous!” You might send an email or call at midday and say, “Just called to say I love you!” And at night, you might put a chocolate on their pillow and turn down the covers. Three little tiny gestures that cost little to nothing and take hardly any time at all, but the impact is huge. Your partner will feel very loved and special. And, you can do this sporadically with different gestures so that it doesn’t become expected or routine.

This past weekend, I personally experienced the magic of three at the American Embassy in London—the last place on earth I would have expected it! We had to present our one year old, Sophia, in person at the embassy in order to get her U.S. citizenship, Passport and Social Security number as she was born in England. Months in advance I reserved the appointment and sent in the paperwork. We expected to wait for hours while the wheels of bureaucracy slowly turned. A grim task, but it had to be done. Much to my surprise, the consular officer was a very special man and he turned a boring administrative task into a very special ceremony. Whether he was aware of it or not, he used the magic of three. First, while the others at the embassy were wearing jeans and casual clothes, he wore a suit and tie. Second, he didn’t use an ordinary plastic pen to sign the documents, he had a fountain pen and had a beautiful signature to go with it. He made sure that I noticed that this was a special ceremony by saying while he was signing that he takes special care when signing the certificate so that his signature is legible in the years to come. It was when he said this that I noticed his fountain pen and lovely signature. Then he very carefully blotted his signature so that it wouldn’t run. Third, he said with proper solemnity and warmth, “Sophia Penelope Fox is, as of the moment of her birth, an American citizen. And added a heartfelt, “Congratulations!” One thousand people go through the American Embassy a day and this man must have performed this task countless times, but he made it very special by doing three small things that were unexpected. He could very easily have been bored and just rubber stamped his way through, but he took just a few seconds extra to make it a very special occasion. I left the embassy feeling absolutely delighted. I was so proud, I felt like framing her certificate. All because one man knew the Magic of Three.

Use the Magic of Three with everyone around you and you’ll leave a wake of delighted people wherever you go. It takes no time and it costs nothing so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Enjoy!

Talane

Discover Your Unique Talent.

Discover Your Unique Talent

We all have some special talent, skill, or gift – something

we do or some way we see things that is different or better

than anyone else. Very often what comes naturally to you is

so much a part of you that you don't even notice it. People

tend to think that if it is easy for them, then it is easy

for everyone else too. This just isn't so. You might think

if it is this easy or fun, then you shouldn't get paid for

it. We like to think that work is hard - that if we don't

sweat and struggle, we don't deserve to get paid for it.

Again, this just isn't so. In fact, it is more often the

opposite: the people who make the most money love what they

do and have some natural ability for it that they have

honed and developed.

If you can't figure out what your special talent is,

interview your friends, family, and colleagues. They will

tell you. It is really this easy. Here are some questions

you can ask: What do you think is my greatest strength?

What is my biggest weakness? (Ask this only if you feel up

to it, and ask them to tell you in a constructive way. Do

not comment on anything they say. You are simply gathering

opinions.) What do you see as my special talent or gift?
What do I do naturally and effortlessly that is special? If

I were on the cover of a magazine, what magazine would it

be and what would the story be about? When am I most fully

expressing this gift or talent?

The next step is to begin to honor your gift. By that I

mean that you fully express it, share it with others, do

it, be it, live it. Just start. Do one thing that will

allow you to fully express your unique gift. Then see how

you can incorporate that into your life today, and the

universe will pull you in that direction. Remember, your

own special skill comes so easily and naturally that you

probably take it for granted.

All the best,

Talane

A Different Perspective on Healthcare…

A Different Perspective on Healthcare…

A few hours after I came home from the hospital with my newborn baby girl, Kaela, there was a knock on my front door. My mom answered and saw a man standing there. She asked, “Who are you?” “I’m Dr. May”, he answered. “Why are you here?” “I’ve come to check on the new baby.” My mother’s mouth gaped in amazement. She couldn’t believe the doctor had made a house call just to see a perfectly healthy baby that had already been checked out thoroughly at the hospital before we left. Dr. May likes babies and makes this extra effort simply because he wants to. He isn’t obligated to or required to, he just does it because he cares and is our family doctor. He did the same when I came home with my second daughter, Sophia. No charge. In addition, for the first few months after giving birth, a health care visitor came to my house once a week to check up on the baby, administer any injections and make sure that the feeding was going well and the baby was gaining weight at the correct rate as well as make sure that my womb was contracting properly and I was healing well. These nurses assure you that they expect to see you in bathrobes with hair a mess and don’t want you to get dressed up for them. And they understand how tired you are and what a hassle getting to the doctor’s office is when you have a newborn. How fabulous a service is that! And guess what, I didn’t spend a penny for it.

My mother just arrived to spend two months with us. She neglected to renew her high blood pressure medication and arrived with just ten days supply of medication. Her plan was to cut the pills in half and hope to survive. I was horrified when I heard her plan because she has been on this medication for years, has not changed her weight or diet and is at high risk for a heart attack. You don’t have to be a life coach to see that her plan was abysmal at best. After a sleepless night spent worrying that my mother would die, I realized that I needed to do something. I booked an appointment with our family doctor. I was given an appointment for 5:00 p.m. that very day. We arrived just before 5:00 p.m. and at 5:02 p.m. the doctor was ready to see her. He asked what he could do for her and she asked if he could renew her prescription for two months. Without further ado he wrote out the slip and off we went to the pharmacist next door who filled it in five minutes. By 5:20 p.m. we were on our way home with medication in hand. There was no charge for any of this. In fact, there are no cash registers or credit card machines in the doctor’s reception so you couldn’t pay even if you tried as they have no way of taking money. And, since my mom is a senior citizen, there was no charge for medication at the pharmacy either. They just handed her the bag with her pills and off she went.

The other day I had to go take my daughter to the emergency room. Instead of asking for my insurance or credit card, the receptionist asked what the problem was. I was seen in order of priority which was about a half-hour because it wasn’t a life threatening issue.

Now you might be thinking, Talane must be rolling in dough to afford that level of health care or that I have some super duper insurance policy that you’ve never heard of. Nope. I’m living in England and this level of care is standard. These weren’t just flukes. I’ve been here five years and I’ve never once had to wait for a doctor’s appointment for more than 20 minutes and when that happened the doctor apologized profusely for making me wait. You can opt to use private medicine here if you wish, but the standard care is so good I haven’t seen the need to. As some of my readers may know, I’m an American who married an Englishman and moved from New York to England and I have been running my NYC based life coaching company from abroad for five years now. In this time, I’ve also had two babies, Kaela and Sophia who are now 4 and 2 years old. I’ve been reading in the UK press a lot about American’s using the word “socialism” as if it were a dirty word. Before I moved to the UK, I assumed that the US health care was the best in the world and the reason that it was the best was because it was a private system, not a socialized system. That competition ensured the best care and the best doctors. I assumed that anything that was socialized and run by the government couldn’t possibly be as good or as efficient as private medicine or private anything else for that matter. How wrong could I be! My years in England have completely changed my perspective. Socialized medicine is wonderful—at least in England. I never in my life would have imagined I’d say that, but I will shout it from the rooftops. I love it! It is such a good feeling to know that if, heaven forbid, something catastrophic should happen, it won’t ruin us financially. In fact, the one thing putting me off about returning to America is that I’d have huge health insurance costs with two small munchkins. You don’t need health insurance here in the UK. I don’t have it. They just cut out the middle men and pay the doctor’s directly. What a concept. And what is most surprising to me is that is feels so much more democratic…so much more equal. Everyone gets great treatment. The poor people don’t have to wait for hours in some second-rate clinic. Children and elderly don’t pay for medication. No one takes a job here in order to get medical benefits. And yet, I personally know people in the US who have taken certain jobs just so they can get medical benefits and coverage. My own aunt could not get health insurance or benefits at her company because she is obese. Isn’t this discrimination? My eldest sister is completely uncovered because she can’t afford to pay for health insurance. How is that better? Now that I’ve seen and experienced how wonderful, how civilized, how democratic, how reassuring and how fair socialized medicine can be, I’d never use the word socialism with disdain. Don’t believe me…come over here and break a leg.

Warmest,
Talane

Copyright © 2009 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.

Doing the Work You Love: Fear is your Friend.

Tip of the week

Doing the Work You Love: Fear is your Friend

By Talane Miedaner

Many people don't do what they love to do because they are afraid. And often those fears center around money. As Nick Williams says, "Money is essential to life, but is not the purpose of life, but our money fears are usually the reason that we don't do what we want to do with our working lives." On the other hand, I think of fear as our friend. Fear is designed to prevent us from taking life-threatening or dangerous actions, like jumping off the side of a cliff for example. Fear is a good thing. We need fear; it is there to protect us.

With that in mind, when I'm working with my clients and they say they are afraid to pursue something new or different, I always ask why. Is it because they are afraid they won't make enough money to support their family? Is it because they don't know if they'll be good at this new thing and successful at it? These are two very legitimate fears worth addressing.

The first fear can be alleviated by having two year's savings in place. When I wanted to quit my bank job at Chase and go into coaching, my own coach said I needed to stick it out until I had two year's of living expenses in place. It felt to me like an eternity, but now I'm glad I had those savings because it enabled me to start my coaching business with no money stress or worries and gave me time to write my book while keeping up my Manhattan rent. Since most businesses fail in the first two years because of lack of capital it makes sense to have this buffer in place before you quit your day job. In the meantime, I took coach training courses, worked with clients at a rookie rate for practice, got my lifecoach.com website up, ordered business cards, etc.

All this takes time and isn't generating money--yet another reason to keep the day job as long as you can. And, if, like so many, you have been laid off or downsized, even then, go ahead and get a job that pays the bills while you build your dream career in your spare time. This handles the fear of how to survive and gives you time to get the training you need.

The Big Spring Clean!
June 2009

Spring is a natural time to start shaking out the comforters and pillows and hanging the bed linens on the line for some fresh sun. It is a great time to go through the house, one room at a time and do the big yearly clean, wash the walls, windows, get the dust out of all those awkward nooks and crannies until the room is spotless and just the way you want it. Spring is the time to clear out the dust bunnies from under the bed, as well as any items in the house you no longer want or need. Now is the time take any broken items to be fixed and to toss those that are beyond repair. Donate items you no longer use that are “too good” to give to a charity shop or sell them in a garage sale, car boot sale or consignment shop. If you are too busy or not inclined to give the house a spring clean yourself, hire a professional cleaner and/or a professional organizer to come for the day and give your house or apartment a top to bottom clean or clear out. You’ll be glad you did it as it will give you a big boost of energy! And, this is the ultimate way to attract new and better things and opportunities into your life as nature abhors a vacuum.

Many people naturally feel like doing a cleansing diet in the spring to shed any excess that might have built up over the winter. If this feels right to you, seek a nutritionist for a plan that would suit your body.

In addition to doing a physical clear-out of stuff, if you find you are always running late or feel too busy, you may want to clear out your schedule as well. Here are a few of the best tips for giving yourself a clean slate for the rest of the year:

1. Use the Joy Filter for All Commitments, Business and Personal
   Review all organizations, associations, memberships, committees and social obligations. Evaluate each commitment. Does it still give you joy? If you dread going to a certain meeting and wish you didn’t have to, give notice and politely resign. If you’ve made promises, scout around for someone to take your place so that you won’t be letting anyone down. Do not renew any obligations out of duty. Only do what you genuinely enjoy. It helps if you learn to say “no” gracefully. Have a few handy excuses in your back pocket to use whenever asked to do something or attend something that you don’t really want to do. A simple one that works well is, “Thanks for thinking of me, but I already have plans for that day.” Do NOT add, “maybe next time.” Or, if you aren’t sure, simply say, “Let me check my calendar and I’ll get back to you.” This will give time to evaluate whether the activity or event is something that you want to do.
   
2. Sign up for Online Banking
   If you haven’t already done so, take the time to sign up for online banking and set up all bills to be paid online. This saves time, energy and postage. And remember to set up 10% of your income to go into automatic savings as well!
   
3. Order Your Groceries Online
   If your grocery store delivers, sign up for online shopping and get groceries delivered to your door. This saves about 45 minutes to an hour a week as well as gasoline costs so well worth doing.
   
4. Never Check Email or Voicemail First
   Instead, do the one thing that is most important about the day first. Opening emails can be like opening Pandora’s box. You never know what will leap out and claim your attention. Get your important project or task done for the day first, then attend to your email. If it could wait overnight, another hour or two won’t matter. If you do it the other way around, you may discover the day gets consumed by responding to emails and you never have time for the bigger and more important projects and goals. You’ll get loads more accomplished this way.
   
5. Eliminate or Minimize Your Commute
   A study revealed that a commute of 45 minutes or more to work is damaging to your health because of the stress that it adds to your life. It makes sense to work where you live or live where you work. Now that I own my own business, I have a 15-second commute from my home to an office built into the back of the garage. Working from home is a huge time saver because it eliminates the time, energy and cost of commuting. And I’m on hand in case there is an emergency with the kids which gives me peace of mind. With rising costs of fuel, now is a great time to either move closer to the office or find a job closer to home. And if that isn’t immediately possible, start by asking your company if you can work a few days a week at home. Even one day a week at home will make a huge difference to your productivity and you will get so much accomplished without all the interruptions at the office. Savvy employers realize this and as more companies are concerned about corporate responsibility, now is a good time to be cutting down on fuel consumption. When I worked at Chase in Manhattan, I had to be on the bank floor so working from home wasn’t an option. I was in the habit of taking the subway, but found getting squashed in with every other commuter wasn’t a joy and if there were problems on the line I’d be stuck and late. So I decided to walk. It turns out it only took an hour to walk to work so in exchange for a 30-45 minute unpleasant subway experience, I enjoyed two hours of excellent exercise and a walk through Central Park every day. Took a bit more time, but then I got a good workout in so it was well worth it! As a bonus, I was never late.
   
6. Unplug the TV
   This is potentially the biggest time saver of all as the average American has the TV on seven hours a day. Unplug the TV and hide it in the closet for one month. You’ll be amazed at how much time you’ll free up in the evenings. Use this newfound time to clear clutter, catch up on calls and correspondence, sign up for online banking and otherwise simplify and organize your life. By the end of the month you’ll be in great shape for the rest of the year!

Copyright © 2008 by Talane LLC. All rights reserved.

The Hurried Woman Syndrome

Last week I wrote about this syndrome and received emails that it isn't just women, but also men who are running about like headless chickens. I also received permission to share this email from Diana in the Netherlands with you...

Hi Talane,

This is so great, but sadly 2 weeks to late for me.

I call myself runaround Sue. Not running around with men, but running around doing a 1000 things at once (and my name isn't Sue either!)

I was just wondering, "Why do I need to do all those things? Why can't I just leave it with one thing and drop the rest? On my day off (I work 4 days) I take my daughter to school and immediately go grocery shopping at three stores--one is cheaper, one has nicer stuff, and the other has fresh veggies. After that I go to a thousand other places. Sometimes when I pick my daughter up from school, she says, "Mummy, why are you staring?"

"Because mummy is tired." (It was only 1pm!)

But I didn't go to sleep, I did the other 100 things.

Two weeks ago I got dizzy. After two dizzy days at work, I couldn't get up the third day. The doctor said I needn't worry --it was a flu or something. I got better by resting. I'm also in a band so I did the gig, stayed up late, got up early and did my crazy running again because I felt better.

Yesterday the universe got tired of watching me. I sprained my ankle at work while running around. It was so bad I was nauseated from the pain and had to be carried as I couldn't walk.

I'm sitting at home now, unable to move. My mother-in-law takes my daughter to and from school. My husband does the shopping (at one store) and my coworkers don't want to see me at work until my ankle is better. I can only crawl to the bathroom every now and then.

I still have a thousand plans, but I know now, that even without carrying them out, the world is still doing fine. 

What a way the universe has chosen to tell me: "No stop running around, you fool!"

So thanks for the tips. I will use them from now on. Also, in your first book, there was something about making a list and throwing it away? That sounds good too.

Greetings from The Netherlands,

Diana Kartojudo

I love Diana's story because it is so typical of so many of us. I've done it myself! Further updates from Diana...she has torn the achilles heel, has had surgery and now really can't move! If you don't slow down, the universe will stop you in your tracks. 

Before you end up in traction, make a list right now of ten things you could do to simplify your life. Cut out projects that you've taken on that you no longer enjoy. Shop at one store or better yet, shop online. (It's the greener choice! )Diana is already planning on shopping online (I'm amazed that American grocery stores haven't started offering this fabulous service yet), but mentioned that she'd only do that while incapacitated. Personally, I'm hooked on it now and only shop in the store for fun now. The big weekly shop is all automated. 

Start showing up ten minutes early to every appointment and use that time to just sit and be still or meditate. No more chickens please!